


Step Into the Light

by LiviaWavern14



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Blind Character, Depression, Epilepsy, Fluff and Angst, Humor, I can take it, I'm mean for my first post lmao, I'm sorry honey, M/M, Well - Freeform, actually I'm a big baby, but please tell me if I made a horrible mistake, but yeah Chen is an epileptic, i did research, never by name, not really angst but idk, poor baby, suchen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 01:56:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13730664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiviaWavern14/pseuds/LiviaWavern14
Summary: Happiness and depression are not mutually exclusive. It is how we deal with both that makes us all live. Junmyeon and Jongdae know that first and second-hand.





	Step Into the Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xAoneko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAoneko/gifts).



> For my friend who requested Suchen fics, and I wanted to write something nice for her birthday. :3
> 
> Happy early birthday hon!
> 
> Cross-posted on AFF. Cause I can do that too. *shrug-galore*

“The elevators are over there and to the right”

  
“Miss, I’m blind. I’m afraid I don’t know where ‘over there’ is”

  
“Here, I’ll get someone to take you”

  
Junmyeon felt the tight sensation of a deep breath and sigh building in his chest. He held it for a moment. Wishing Jongdae was there with him in this instance wasn’t going to help him get upstairs to the third floor of the shopping center. Exhale.

* * *

 

“Sir, you can’t have a dog inside the building”

  
Junmyeon turned towards the direction of the voice, informing them that his dog is a service animal ( _like it says right on the package-slash-vest_ , he thought).  
“Oh. Okay. Then why is no one with you?” the man ( _A customer?_ Junmyeon contemplated) continued.

  
Junmyeon simply pasted on a smile, saying, “Because I am blind; not an invalid. If there is nothing else sir, then have a nice day” and directing his Golden Retriever to the exit closest to the bus stop.

* * *

 

“Puppy!”

  
Junmyeon was walking home with a bit of stress to get back before Jongdae, and could hear the gleeful children behind him. He knew that they didn’t mean to distract Coco, but was it really so hard to teach kids that working dogs are just that; working?

  
“Mister, can we pet your dog?”

  
He sighed. _I guess I’m going to teach the kids something new today_ , he thought to himself and smiled down at the voice near hip-level. _At least this one asked_.

* * *

 

“I was being a bit mean today.”

  
Junmyeon felt and heard Jongdae’s laugh at his statement, asking through his minute giggles, “Were you really being mean, or were you just done with people and thinking slightly less than saintly thoughts?”

  
Junmyeon leaned back into Jongdae a bit more, shrugging, resting the side of his head against Jongdae’s shoulder. Jongdae had gotten back from his appointment just a bit ago, and they were relaxing on the couch, listening to some music on the (slightly ancient) stereo. They did this frequently, moulding their bodies in a comforting embrace and feeling the deep breaths and exhales against each other.

_“We don’t fall asleep on the couch all the time!” Junmyeon once faux-argued with Jongdae while out to dinner with their friends, “Just when we’re really tired! Maybe twice a week...or every other day…” By that time, everyone at the table was laughing at Junmyeon’s stab at humor. “Okay, I admit it might be every day.” Jongdae gripped Junmyeon’s wrist gently where it rested near his thigh under the table, saying boastfully to the group at large, “See! I’m always right!”_

Jongdae turned his face to place his lips against Junmyeon’s hairline, murmuring, “You’re allowed to be done with people once in a while. Just don’t get mean all the time.” His smile shifted Junmyeon’s hair and he nuzzled slightly. “That’s not our job”

  
Junmyeon laughed both at the sensation and the joke, causing Coco to perk up and lift his fuzzy golden off-duty head in interest. “Yah, should I be telling Kyungsoonie that you think he’s a fuddy-duddy? A mean man? A Debby-downer? A singing cynic?”

  
Jongdae play-shivered, quickly telling Junmyeon that if he was going down to Kyungsoo’s fists, they’d be going down together. Between Junmyeon’s lower side and Jongdae’s hip was an urgent vibration. Jongdae, pulling out the phone from his pocket as Junmyeon shifted out of the way, saw the name on the screen and grinned widely.

  
“Speaking of the spawn of Satan! Guess who’s inviting us out for bulgogi?!”

  
“Jongdae, just pick up, and let Kyungsoo tell us where we’re actually going”

* * *

 

Jongdae and Junmyeon were walking together from where the taxi dropped them off, arm in arm as Jongdae gave a running commentary on the buildings they were passing. Sometimes, going out means bringing Coco with them regardless, but Jongdae and Junmyeon agreed that the bar they were going to meet their friends at would be too much for the dog to handle.

 _“I pinkie-swear, I will be your faithful companion,” Jongdae intoned solemnly from the floor, holding Junmyeon’s hand. Junmyeon was laughing on the couch over the whole situation, brows tilted and scrunching with what comes from a blinding smile. Jongdae continued pompously “I’m clearly a much better guide dog anyway.”_  
_“That can’t be true,” he responded, tilting his head in mock thought, “because Beagles aren’t the preferred guide dog breed are they?”_  
_Junmyeon heard Jongdae’s offended gasp and felt both the sudden release of his hand and Jongdae’s plopping down next to him on the sofa in rapid succession. Pushing him over, Jongdae exclaimed, “Yah! How mean! I thought you loved me,” and wrapped his arms around Junmyeon’s shoulders to lift him up while pretending to cry._  
_Junmyeon simply smiled at his antics, reaching out to provide the same play sympathy to the crown of soft hair Jongdae sported, and said they would be late already. They both got up and as Junmyeon stood after putting his shoes on, he heard the honest, “Want to hold my hand while we walk?” from Jongdae on his left. Nodding, Junmyeon put his left hand out, and their fingers intertwined._

Leaving a guide dog isn’t really the preferred method, but even when they’re on duty, dogs can be distracted by the activity in an enclosed and moderate-to-small bar. Junmyeon and Jongdae, however, having done this before, decided that so long as they get back to each other and don’t drink too much, they can count on each other to prop the other up.

  
Junmyeon heard the bell atop the door ring as Jongdae opened it, but as an embellishment to the symphony of laughter, music, talk, and service noise that came out of the establishment. Junmyeon also felt the wave of heat from the space as they walked it, before the air relaxed to something less obviously heated. Jongdae kept the running commentary, and together they turned to the happy cry of their names from one of the tables.

  
“Suchen get your butts over here! Where have you two been! I thought you had become ghosts with the dust you’ve collected.”

  
As the two walked closer during Chanyeol’s rapid-fire teasing, Junmyeon turned his head slightly towards Jongdae and projected his voice towards his friends. “Sir Chen, who is this peasant that dares to use some strange form of address towards his seniors?”

  
“As you say Lord Suho, merely a peasant.” Jongdae intoned, shifting the two of them out of the way of a party leaving their chairs out as they got up, before continuing, “My concern is that the fool believes us to be spirits, and spreads libel against us in the presence of Lord Lay and Count D.O.”

  
The laughter from their friends was interspersed by Chanyeol’s whining over being a peasant.

* * *

 

“Hey Chanyeol, you said Suchen! I had no idea that you were a shipper in our fandom. I’m touched”

  
Junmyeon heard Chanyeol’s reaction (coughing on his soju) and thought the reaction must have been gold given Jongdae’s happy, startled laughter to Junmyeon’s teasing.

  
Chanyeol, presumably having swallowed down something through the correct pipe, responded to the teasing with a stammered, “Yah! You- you- stop saying things like that! I meant that you’re more like one person that’s all. You fill in each other’s holes”

  
Silence.

  
“Oh, shit, that’s not- I didn’t mean that either!”

  
Junmyeon felt Jongdae still, previous motions halted, no exuberant flailing or laughter, while Yixing and Kyungsoo fairly howled at Chanyeol’s foot-in-mouth-itis. For two men who were considered to be very quiet and considerate, Junmyeon assumed they were fairly drunk to evoke that kind of response so easily. Junmyeon knew what Chanyeol meant, but he didn’t realize what he said meant to Jongdae, and directed his efforts towards Jongdae instead of himself.

  
He spoke quietly to his side, “Breathe Jongdae,” before raising his tone and directed a joking question, “Yah, Chanyeollie, I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean? What holes? Have you been watching porn again?”

  
The stammering mess of corrections from across the table only became more incomprehensible, and one of the other two began banging periodically against the table as they cackled.

  
Jongdae didn’t participate much for the rest of the night.

* * *

 

When they got back to their apartment, Junmyeon felt Jongdae’s quivering release of breath. Junmyeon gave a small squeeze through their intertwined arms before letting go, taking off his shoes with practiced ease and making his way to the bathroom. Coco came up to greet the two of them with the gentle nudging of an animal who demanded pets. Without seeing a damn thing, Junmyeon knew Jongdae needed that unencumbered affection right now.

  
On his way out of the room to get a damp cloth and a box of tissues (more likely for me than for Jongdae, he considered, but you never know), he heard the resonant thunk of two knees hitting the wood floor, and a desperate exhalation. Junmyeon came back, rag armed in one hand, tissue pack in the other, and slowly moved leading with his feet slightly forward. He felt a solid body with his left foot, and crouched down, dropping the tissues to reach out for the familiar shape of Jongdae’s back, and gently stroked.

  
“Dae, c’mere,” Junmyeon lightly led the face towards him from where it had been buried in the fur of their infinitely patient dog. Warm washcloth in hand, Junmyeon gently brushed it across Jongdae’s lids and brows in comforting motions, lifting and caressing his jawline and sides of his neck. Hearing the slight sound of paws padding around to Jongdae’s side, Junmyeon set the washcloth down next to them and began to speak.

  
“I have said it before, and I will say it again. I need help, and you need help, but we are not lesser for needing that of each other.” Junmyeon paused before continuing, “Part of your depression is from feeling like you have to take care of me, but both of our siblings, our friends, or our parents would be happy to step in and participate if we felt like it was too much. We’ve talked about it, and we keep checking every day to make sure we’re not overwhelmed.”

  
He put his hand around Jongdae’s neck, rubbing his thumb gently against the junction of ear and jaw. Feeling Jongdae’s pulse and feathery breathing, Junmyeon began again.  
“You should feel so proud of yourself Dae. You are strong. So much more than you think you are. You haven’t had a seizure for 5 years. Your medications cause depression and you have not lost your brilliance, your joy. You haven’t given up the fight. You help me with some things that I cannot do, but you have not once talked down to me or been any less caring, even in anger.”

  
“Junmyeon stop”

  
He did not. “Jongdae you love me. And I love you. And I am so very very proud of how much you have accomplished-”

  
“And I’m fucking broken Myeon. We’re people and one of our own friends thinks that we aren’t capable of being one person on our own. Living alone. That we’re half people. That we’re less-”

  
“Whether he meant it that way or not, don’t think about how he looks at you. If you thought he was wrong, it wouldn’t matter to you,” Junmyeon could near feel the opposition building, and tried to levelly continue, “Part of you thinks he’s right, and that’s what I’m trying to starve out right now.”

  
Jongdae was breathing like he was trying to silence his emotions, heavy exhales and inhales desperately breaking the attempts at mutism. His speech was quiet and staggered with feeling.

  
“Myeon, but I _am_ broken”

  
“Either you’re broken and you need to fix yourself for yourself, or you’re not broken, and you’re breaking yourself instead.” Junmyeon had already been tearing, but now he faintly sniffle-giggled, half-joking “Either way, you are loved and supported for the moment you start really falling off the wagon. I think you’re already there yeah?”

* * *

 

“Well, what do you know, the tissues will come in handy for both of us this time”

  
“Shut up. I’m an ugly crier”

  
“No, you shut up. Everyone is an ugly crier.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, in this, I conceived of Chen's issue as being epilepsy, for which he receives medication. Medications of this sort are frequently going to have side effects like depression, anxiety, and other disorders or illnesses. Being involved with someone blind doesn't mean that you have to be the sole person to take care of them, as most people who are blind are fully capable of taking care of themselves with some assistance from guide dogs or canes. But depression can also be triggered by helping someone with chronic illness. Blindness is not a chronic illness, but at the same time, someone who takes on responsibility of another person may feel overwhelmed. 
> 
> A teacher once told me, "a fear, real or imagined, is real in its consequences"
> 
> I had the idea that Chen and Suho had to communicate with one another, because it would be so easy for one of them to get overwhelmed, and both would have to be introspective about their feelings and emotional state in order to help one another. They need therapy "la la la la la therapy" *a la VIXX* (that never gets old lol)
> 
> Also, Suho is a writer, if anyone is wondering, and Chen works as a part-timer in a cafe. I might expand on that one day but not today *BTS-Not Today plays loudly in the background* *hits radio* Nothing happened. You saw nothing.


End file.
